Dunn vs. Dunn
[This episode starts at what appears to be a treehouse in the treetops district. It's elaborately designed and much bigger than an ordinary treehouse. It's entitled "Summerway Courthouse" with painted letters above totem pole pillars, replacing the pillars from real-world courthouses. It's crowded. Overly dramatic music starts playing.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} Now presenting the case of Max Dunn.
[Max enters the courtroom very seriously and stoically. He walks down to the front of the court house, past a large audience.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} Versus his sister, Sally Dunn.
[Sally walks into the room following along. She's more outwardly angry. When Sally gets down to her podium, she looks at Max and shoots him a raspberry.]
Max: Oh, that's something I'd expect you to do.
Sally: [Teasing] That's something that I'd expect you to complain about.
Max: Well you are an expert at giving me things to complain about.
Sally: I know you are, but what am I?
Max: That doesn't even make any sense.
Sally: YOU don't make any sense.
Max: How dare you!?
[The sound of a squeaky toy is heard and immediately Sally and Max stop their arguing. They look towards the front of the courtroom. The Deadpan Girl is standing by the podium, wearing a bailiff's outfit. She hit the judge's podium with a squeaky toy gavel. The judge's podium is currently empty.]
Deadpan Girl: Order in the court.
[A little kid, about three or four, runs onto the scene, wearing colorful judge's robes.]
Judge: Hey, that was my line! Wait a minute, yer not the bailiff.
Deadpan Girl: I'm the new one.
Judge: What happened to the old one?
Deadpan Girl: I stole her uniform.
Judge: Makes sense to me!
[The judge takes the toy hammer and stands at his podium. He hops up onto it and sits on it.]
Judge: Let's get this show on the road. So, what's goin' on?
Max: She's being selfish.
Sally: Well, he's being stupid.
[Sally and Max start engaging in an argument, until the judge bangs his toy hammer. Sally and Max silence themselves.]
Judge: It's my job to shout! Stop!
[The judge looks to the Deadpan Girl.]
Judge: You tell me what happened.
Deadpan Girl: Ugh... fine. Ahem.
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} Now presenting the case of Max Dunn.
[Max enters the courtroom very seriously and stoically. He walks down to the front of the court house, past a large audience.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} Versus his sister, Sally Dunn.
[Sally walks into the room following along. She's more outwardly angry. When Sally gets down to her podium, she looks at Max and shoots him a raspberry.]
Max: Oh, that's something I'd expect you to do.
Sally: [Teasing] That's something that I'd expect you to complain about.
Max: Well you are an expert at giving me things to complain about.
Sally: I know you are, but what am I?
Max: That doesn't even make any sense.
Sally: YOU don't make any sense.
Max: How dare you!?
[The sound of a squeaky toy is heard and immediately Sally and Max stop their arguing. They look towards the front of the courtroom. The Deadpan Girl is standing by the podium, wearing a bailiff's outfit. She hit the judge's podium with a squeaky toy gavel. The judge's podium is currently empty.]
Deadpan Girl: Order in the court.
[A little kid, about three or four, runs onto the scene, wearing colorful judge's robes.]
Judge: Hey, that was my line! Wait a minute, yer not the bailiff.
Deadpan Girl: I'm the new one.
Judge: What happened to the old one?
Deadpan Girl: I stole her uniform.
Judge: Makes sense to me!
[The judge takes the toy hammer and stands at his podium. He hops up onto it and sits on it.]
Judge: Let's get this show on the road. So, what's goin' on?
Max: She's being selfish.
Sally: Well, he's being stupid.
[Sally and Max start engaging in an argument, until the judge bangs his toy hammer. Sally and Max silence themselves.]
Judge: It's my job to shout! Stop!
[The judge looks to the Deadpan Girl.]
Judge: You tell me what happened.
Deadpan Girl: Ugh... fine. Ahem.
[The Deadpan Girl puts her fist to her mouth. Then she starts speaking in the most over-dramatic way possible, putting as much investment as possible into talking about the story. As she speaks, we're given the visuals of the backstory.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} It was just an average Saturday. Sally and Max Dunn were a brother-sister duo enjoying their breakfast of Sugary Marshmallow Explosion Bits cereal, prepared for a day of games and fun. However tragedy struck when they got to the bottom of the box.
[Flashback of that morning. Sally and Max are eating breakfast from a box with a bright cartoon character on it. Max pours himself some cereal. Then Sally pours herself a taller pile, smug about it. Then Max follows it up. And this repeats as the piles get bigger and bigger.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} They fought over the last bit of the cereal until the box tore apart.
[While the Deadpan Girl is telling this part, Sally and Max are fighting over the box, pulling it apart. The cartoon character on it is noticeably afraid. Then the box splits apart and a rocket ship toy falls down.]
[Cut back to reality, and the Deadpan Girl holds up the toy for everyone to see.]
Deadpan Girl: And THIS toy fell in between them.
[There's a gasp among the entire audience of the courtroom.]
Background Kid #1: Is that the Super Red Raging Rocket!?
Background Kid #2: It's the rarest one there is!
Max: Yeah, and it's mine.
Sally: No, it's mine!
Judge: Well, that's what we're here to figure out. This should be easy.
[Cut back to the flashback of breakfast on that fateful morning.]
Judge: So, who touched it first?
[In the next shot both Sally and Max are holding onto the toy and staring at the camera, wordlessly.]
Judge: So, who called--
Sally & Max: Dibs!
[They look back to the camera.]
Sally: It should be mine! I picked the box!
Max: Yeah, well I paid for it.
Sally: No you didn't. I'm the one who went to the store!
Max: With my money.
[The squeaky toy noise is heard again.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} It was just an average Saturday. Sally and Max Dunn were a brother-sister duo enjoying their breakfast of Sugary Marshmallow Explosion Bits cereal, prepared for a day of games and fun. However tragedy struck when they got to the bottom of the box.
[Flashback of that morning. Sally and Max are eating breakfast from a box with a bright cartoon character on it. Max pours himself some cereal. Then Sally pours herself a taller pile, smug about it. Then Max follows it up. And this repeats as the piles get bigger and bigger.]
Deadpan Girl: {Narration} They fought over the last bit of the cereal until the box tore apart.
[While the Deadpan Girl is telling this part, Sally and Max are fighting over the box, pulling it apart. The cartoon character on it is noticeably afraid. Then the box splits apart and a rocket ship toy falls down.]
[Cut back to reality, and the Deadpan Girl holds up the toy for everyone to see.]
Deadpan Girl: And THIS toy fell in between them.
[There's a gasp among the entire audience of the courtroom.]
Background Kid #1: Is that the Super Red Raging Rocket!?
Background Kid #2: It's the rarest one there is!
Max: Yeah, and it's mine.
Sally: No, it's mine!
Judge: Well, that's what we're here to figure out. This should be easy.
[Cut back to the flashback of breakfast on that fateful morning.]
Judge: So, who touched it first?
[In the next shot both Sally and Max are holding onto the toy and staring at the camera, wordlessly.]
Judge: So, who called--
Sally & Max: Dibs!
[They look back to the camera.]
Sally: It should be mine! I picked the box!
Max: Yeah, well I paid for it.
Sally: No you didn't. I'm the one who went to the store!
Max: With my money.
[The squeaky toy noise is heard again.]
[Cut back to reality, with the judge looking confused.]
Judge: Wow, this is gonna be a tough one. I think we're gonna need a jury.
[Sally looks frightened.]
Sally: Y-you're not gonna break our legs are you?
Max: That's an injury, stupid.
Deadpan Girl: A "jury" is a selection of kids who are supposed to hear out your case. In the end, they're the ones who are going to determine who gets the toy.
Sally: Oh! Now I get it.
[Beat]
Sally: Can I be on the jury?
Judge: No.
Sally: Can my... uh twin be on the jury?
Max: Sally, you don't have a twin.
Sally: How could you say that about our sister!? I knew you were mean, but I didn't know you were that mean!
[Max pinches the bridge of his nose.]
Max: Alright Sally, what's our sister's name?
Sally: Uhhhh... Serenity?
Max: That's your middle name.
[Sally folds her arms and pouts.]
Sally: Alright, fine. How do we this jury?
Deadpan Girl: Go find some kids and pick 'em.
[As Deadpan Girl says "pick 'em" she makes a tagging motion.]
Sally: Why don't you do it?
Judge: Well, we tried that once...
Judge: Wow, this is gonna be a tough one. I think we're gonna need a jury.
[Sally looks frightened.]
Sally: Y-you're not gonna break our legs are you?
Max: That's an injury, stupid.
Deadpan Girl: A "jury" is a selection of kids who are supposed to hear out your case. In the end, they're the ones who are going to determine who gets the toy.
Sally: Oh! Now I get it.
[Beat]
Sally: Can I be on the jury?
Judge: No.
Sally: Can my... uh twin be on the jury?
Max: Sally, you don't have a twin.
Sally: How could you say that about our sister!? I knew you were mean, but I didn't know you were that mean!
[Max pinches the bridge of his nose.]
Max: Alright Sally, what's our sister's name?
Sally: Uhhhh... Serenity?
Max: That's your middle name.
[Sally folds her arms and pouts.]
Sally: Alright, fine. How do we this jury?
Deadpan Girl: Go find some kids and pick 'em.
[As Deadpan Girl says "pick 'em" she makes a tagging motion.]
Sally: Why don't you do it?
Judge: Well, we tried that once...
[Cut to a flashback in the very same courthouse, with a jury of very bored kids. One of them just happens to be Steve, the only one excited to be there.]
Steve: So, when do we make the guy walk the plank?
[Cut to another scene, with Steve in a different jury.]
Steve: Uh... I can't sit on this jury. I'm... real sick.
Judge: Whatcha got?
Steve: Uh... disco fever?
[Cut to Steve at the third jury of different kids. A kid walks to the witness' stand.]
Steve: Guilty! He's the guilty one!
Judge: Dat's a witness.
Steve: That's no excuse.
Steve: So, when do we make the guy walk the plank?
[Cut to another scene, with Steve in a different jury.]
Steve: Uh... I can't sit on this jury. I'm... real sick.
Judge: Whatcha got?
Steve: Uh... disco fever?
[Cut to Steve at the third jury of different kids. A kid walks to the witness' stand.]
Steve: Guilty! He's the guilty one!
Judge: Dat's a witness.
Steve: That's no excuse.
[Cut back to present day at the court house.]
Judge: We... wasn't so good at it.
Deadpan Girl: The picked-at-random kids didn't take the cases very seriously. And if they did, it was usually because of some kind of bias.
Judge: How'd you know that?
Deadpan Girl: Because I was a kid picked at random, and I didn't take the cases very seriously.
Sally: Alright, fine. We'll go get our jury.
Judge: We... wasn't so good at it.
Deadpan Girl: The picked-at-random kids didn't take the cases very seriously. And if they did, it was usually because of some kind of bias.
Judge: How'd you know that?
Deadpan Girl: Because I was a kid picked at random, and I didn't take the cases very seriously.
Sally: Alright, fine. We'll go get our jury.
[Cut to April, Sally, and Molly in the Dunn living room. Molly and April are looking at each other confused as Sally speaks.]
Sally: [Speaking extremely fast] And the toy's gotta be mine, but Max is gonna get a much betterer jury than mine, and I don't know what else to do.
Molly: Can you uh... slow down?
[Sally gives Molly an extraordinarily manic look, with a grin that she's barely maintaining. Sally opens her mouth to speak again, and then her voice is played in slow motion repeating the last thing she said.]
April: How about you just tell us with the simplest vascular possible.
Sally: Kay.
[Sally tags them both.]
Sally: Tag, you're on my jury!
April: I'm sorry, dear?
Sally: The court said I had to pick my own jury or else I wouldn't get the cereal box toy!
Molly: Is that what this is about? Some cereal box toy?
Sally: You don't understand. It's a Super Red Raging Rocket!
[April and Molly gasp in surprise.]
April: I respect Max, but that toy belongs to you.
Molly: I don't think you guys are givin' this the right amount of seriousness.
[Beat]
Molly: We gotta make sure that Max never opens another box of cereal as long as he lives, if he thinks that toy is gonna be his.
April: So Sally, who else are you going to select for your jury?
Sally: [Shocked] I gotta pick other people?
April: Yes, you each select five kids.
Sally: But I don't really know any other kids.
April: It shouldn't be hard. Any kid with common sense could see that you're the one who deserves that toy.
Sally: Really?
[April nods, and Sally thinks for a moment.]
Sally: [Speaking extremely fast] And the toy's gotta be mine, but Max is gonna get a much betterer jury than mine, and I don't know what else to do.
Molly: Can you uh... slow down?
[Sally gives Molly an extraordinarily manic look, with a grin that she's barely maintaining. Sally opens her mouth to speak again, and then her voice is played in slow motion repeating the last thing she said.]
April: How about you just tell us with the simplest vascular possible.
Sally: Kay.
[Sally tags them both.]
Sally: Tag, you're on my jury!
April: I'm sorry, dear?
Sally: The court said I had to pick my own jury or else I wouldn't get the cereal box toy!
Molly: Is that what this is about? Some cereal box toy?
Sally: You don't understand. It's a Super Red Raging Rocket!
[April and Molly gasp in surprise.]
April: I respect Max, but that toy belongs to you.
Molly: I don't think you guys are givin' this the right amount of seriousness.
[Beat]
Molly: We gotta make sure that Max never opens another box of cereal as long as he lives, if he thinks that toy is gonna be his.
April: So Sally, who else are you going to select for your jury?
Sally: [Shocked] I gotta pick other people?
April: Yes, you each select five kids.
Sally: But I don't really know any other kids.
April: It shouldn't be hard. Any kid with common sense could see that you're the one who deserves that toy.
Sally: Really?
[April nods, and Sally thinks for a moment.]
[Cut to a board Ryker walking across his lawn to get his mail. He opens his mailbox and Sally's hand comes out on the other side.]
Sally: Tag! You're on my jury!
[The camera cuts back to show that Sally is standing on the other side of the mailbox. Ryker looks at her with extreme anger. Sally just gives an innocent smile.]
Sally: Tag! You're on my jury!
[The camera cuts back to show that Sally is standing on the other side of the mailbox. Ryker looks at her with extreme anger. Sally just gives an innocent smile.]
[Cut to a mailkid walking up to the Dunn's front door, dragging a large package in a red wagon. April answers the door.]
Mailkid: Package for a Ms. April.
[The Mailkid offers something from April to sign, with some finger paints at the bottom of the clipboard. April dips her hand in the blue paint and puts her handprint on the paper, signing it. April is then given the large package.]
[After a beat, Sally's legs, arms, and head pop out of the box. Sally's eyes roll around cartoonishly in her head.]
Sally: [Dazed] April, I think you were wrong.
[Molly walks up, and sighs.]
Molly: Again?
Sally: Yup.
Molly: Well, let's getcha outta that box.
[Molly takes out a pair of scissors. Sally shakes her head and comes out of her daze.]
Sally: And ruin a perfectly good box!? I don't think so.
[Sally hobbles over the couch, still in the box, and starts watching television.]
Sally: Well, at least I know that Max is gonna have trouble finding five kids.
[Molly and April stare at each other very deadpan.]
Molly: She's not... serious, is she?
April: She's Sally, dear.
Mailkid: Package for a Ms. April.
[The Mailkid offers something from April to sign, with some finger paints at the bottom of the clipboard. April dips her hand in the blue paint and puts her handprint on the paper, signing it. April is then given the large package.]
[After a beat, Sally's legs, arms, and head pop out of the box. Sally's eyes roll around cartoonishly in her head.]
Sally: [Dazed] April, I think you were wrong.
[Molly walks up, and sighs.]
Molly: Again?
Sally: Yup.
Molly: Well, let's getcha outta that box.
[Molly takes out a pair of scissors. Sally shakes her head and comes out of her daze.]
Sally: And ruin a perfectly good box!? I don't think so.
[Sally hobbles over the couch, still in the box, and starts watching television.]
Sally: Well, at least I know that Max is gonna have trouble finding five kids.
[Molly and April stare at each other very deadpan.]
Molly: She's not... serious, is she?
April: She's Sally, dear.
[Cut to Lemonade Land. Rapid cut from Max tagging Anna to Neven to Niall to Shelly in succession.]
Max: Tag. Tag. Tag. Tag.
[Cut to Max standing in the middle of the restaurant.]
Max: And that's four. Just need to find one more kid.
[Neven walks up]
Neven: It's not usually like you to tag us without asking.
Max: Well, this time it's serious. A Super Red Raging Rocket is at stake, and I am leaving nothing to chance. I just need a fifth kid.
[Steve walks by]
Steve: Can I be the fifth kid?
[Beat]
[Max blinks as he stares at Steven.]
Max: You want to get on jury duty?
Steve: What? Is it so unbelievable that I--
Max: Yes.
Steve: You didn't know what I was gonna say.
Max: It doesn't matter what you were going to say. The answer is "yes."
Steve: Alright, fine. I'll just test out a few of my new inventions when you or Neven won't be around to stop me. Maybe I'll demolish this place, maybe I won't.
Max: Okay, whatever! You're on my jury.
Steve: Yes! Yes! I win! Just one question.
Max: What?
Steve: What's a jury?
[Max is about to angrily shout at Steve, until Niall walks up.]
Niall: Nah, don't tell him. It'll be funnier when he figures it out on his own.
[Max changes to an angered smile, but still stays wordless.]
Max: Tag. Tag. Tag. Tag.
[Cut to Max standing in the middle of the restaurant.]
Max: And that's four. Just need to find one more kid.
[Neven walks up]
Neven: It's not usually like you to tag us without asking.
Max: Well, this time it's serious. A Super Red Raging Rocket is at stake, and I am leaving nothing to chance. I just need a fifth kid.
[Steve walks by]
Steve: Can I be the fifth kid?
[Beat]
[Max blinks as he stares at Steven.]
Max: You want to get on jury duty?
Steve: What? Is it so unbelievable that I--
Max: Yes.
Steve: You didn't know what I was gonna say.
Max: It doesn't matter what you were going to say. The answer is "yes."
Steve: Alright, fine. I'll just test out a few of my new inventions when you or Neven won't be around to stop me. Maybe I'll demolish this place, maybe I won't.
Max: Okay, whatever! You're on my jury.
Steve: Yes! Yes! I win! Just one question.
Max: What?
Steve: What's a jury?
[Max is about to angrily shout at Steve, until Niall walks up.]
Niall: Nah, don't tell him. It'll be funnier when he figures it out on his own.
[Max changes to an angered smile, but still stays wordless.]
[Cut to the next day at the Summerway Court House. Harper pops up on screen with her microphone.]
Harper: This is Harper Clementine reporting on the case of Dunn vs. Dunn. The once great brother-sister duo has been torn apart by a... cereal box toy.
[Harper looks off camera.]
Harper: That's what this is all about? A cereal box toy. It's a REALLY slow news day, huh?
[Another kid whispers something in Harper's ear. Her eyes light up.]
Harper: A SUPER RAGING RED ROCKET!?
[Harper turns back to the camera.]
Harper: Boys and girls, I may be reporting on one of the greatest court cases of our generation. Kids hundreds of years from now will be talking about who the winner of this game is.
Harper: This is Harper Clementine reporting on the case of Dunn vs. Dunn. The once great brother-sister duo has been torn apart by a... cereal box toy.
[Harper looks off camera.]
Harper: That's what this is all about? A cereal box toy. It's a REALLY slow news day, huh?
[Another kid whispers something in Harper's ear. Her eyes light up.]
Harper: A SUPER RAGING RED ROCKET!?
[Harper turns back to the camera.]
Harper: Boys and girls, I may be reporting on one of the greatest court cases of our generation. Kids hundreds of years from now will be talking about who the winner of this game is.
[Cut to inside the courthouse. Sally is sitting down at her table, still wearing the cardboard box.]
Max: {Off-screen} Hey sis, you think anyone's going to take you seriously in that outfit?
[The camera cuts back to show that Max wearing a superhero costume himself.]
Sally: Eh, I don't need anyone to take me seriously. I gotta lawyer.
[Max sits down, confused.]
Max: You hired a lawyer?
Sally: Yup!
Max: With what money?
Sally: Oh, I didn't need any money. This lawyer was free.
Max: What kind of lawyer is free?
[The doors of the courtyard burst open and Gumdrops walks in, wearing a suit and a very determined expression. Gumdrops walks over next to Sally. A briefcase bounces off of his back as he walks.]
Judge: Wait just a minute. This is a serious case of law. You can't just have a pony for a lawyer.
[Gumdrops bounces his back and the briefcase lands on Sally's desk. It opens revealing a pile of papers, and Gumdrops takes the one on top and presents it to the judge. The judge grabs it and looks at it.
Judge: Huh, a law degree. Well, this all checks out.
[The judge shows the degree to the audience, and it looks like a kindergarten art project.]
Max: What!?
Sally: Made it myself.
Max: That's not fair!
Judge: Did you think to give your pony a law degree?
Max: Well... no.
Judge: Then it's fair. Speaking of fair, where's the jury?
Deadpan Girl: They'll be in shortly.
Max: {Off-screen} Hey sis, you think anyone's going to take you seriously in that outfit?
[The camera cuts back to show that Max wearing a superhero costume himself.]
Sally: Eh, I don't need anyone to take me seriously. I gotta lawyer.
[Max sits down, confused.]
Max: You hired a lawyer?
Sally: Yup!
Max: With what money?
Sally: Oh, I didn't need any money. This lawyer was free.
Max: What kind of lawyer is free?
[The doors of the courtyard burst open and Gumdrops walks in, wearing a suit and a very determined expression. Gumdrops walks over next to Sally. A briefcase bounces off of his back as he walks.]
Judge: Wait just a minute. This is a serious case of law. You can't just have a pony for a lawyer.
[Gumdrops bounces his back and the briefcase lands on Sally's desk. It opens revealing a pile of papers, and Gumdrops takes the one on top and presents it to the judge. The judge grabs it and looks at it.
Judge: Huh, a law degree. Well, this all checks out.
[The judge shows the degree to the audience, and it looks like a kindergarten art project.]
Max: What!?
Sally: Made it myself.
Max: That's not fair!
Judge: Did you think to give your pony a law degree?
Max: Well... no.
Judge: Then it's fair. Speaking of fair, where's the jury?
Deadpan Girl: They'll be in shortly.
[Cut to April and Molly walking among the Lemonade Land staff. Ryker is also among them, looking quite disgruntled.]
Molly: I hope Sally picked some smart kids.
[Cut to a kid running in knight's armor, with a shield and sword. This is Sir Harold.]
Sir Harold: Forsooth!
April: Uh... can I help you?
Sir Harold: I am Sir Harold, valiant knight, and I am here to defend m'lady's honor.
[A little four-year-old girl with pigtails walks by. This is Leslie.]
Leslie: Sally gave me a button.
Molly: You know, I'm beginning to wonder if Sally's really responsible enough to have that toy.
April: Please, I'm sure that these are better than the kids that Max has chosen.
Sir Harold: Indeed! If there is a damsel in distress, I shall defend her as if my very life is on the line.
[He looks to April, who is very annoyed with him.]
Sir Harold: Are YOU in distress, m'lady?
April: Yes, but I don't think that's something that you can help with.
[As the rest of the jury walks into the courtroom, the camera pans to Steve, who is lingering in the back. He passes by a poster with his name and face on it saying "Do Not Allow." A scout is standing next to it, and the scout stops Steve.]
Scout #1: Hey! You're the kid on the poster!
[Stve looks to the poster.]
Steve: What? That's not me at all. That guy's way too hideous to be someone as awesome as me.
Scout #1: But he looks just like you--
Steve: How DARE you insult me in such a manner? I thought the scouts were sworn to protect and serve, not mock their people!
Scout #1: Uh... sorry, sir. Please continue to the courtroom.
Steve: Wait a minute, I'm in a court?
Scout #1: Um... yessir.
Steve: I changed my mind. That is my picture.
Scout #1: Nah, now that you mention it, there's no way that this guy could be you. Like, the differences are night and day.
Steve: Seriously?
Scout #1: Yeah. I mean, they say that the camera adds eleven points, not eleventy.
[Beat. Steve gets very deadpan and looks like he's about to be offended.]
Steve: You know, I don't have to take this.
[Steve walks off]
Steve: [Under his breath] Huh, so my workout regimen is actually paying off. Good to know.
Molly: I hope Sally picked some smart kids.
[Cut to a kid running in knight's armor, with a shield and sword. This is Sir Harold.]
Sir Harold: Forsooth!
April: Uh... can I help you?
Sir Harold: I am Sir Harold, valiant knight, and I am here to defend m'lady's honor.
[A little four-year-old girl with pigtails walks by. This is Leslie.]
Leslie: Sally gave me a button.
Molly: You know, I'm beginning to wonder if Sally's really responsible enough to have that toy.
April: Please, I'm sure that these are better than the kids that Max has chosen.
Sir Harold: Indeed! If there is a damsel in distress, I shall defend her as if my very life is on the line.
[He looks to April, who is very annoyed with him.]
Sir Harold: Are YOU in distress, m'lady?
April: Yes, but I don't think that's something that you can help with.
[As the rest of the jury walks into the courtroom, the camera pans to Steve, who is lingering in the back. He passes by a poster with his name and face on it saying "Do Not Allow." A scout is standing next to it, and the scout stops Steve.]
Scout #1: Hey! You're the kid on the poster!
[Stve looks to the poster.]
Steve: What? That's not me at all. That guy's way too hideous to be someone as awesome as me.
Scout #1: But he looks just like you--
Steve: How DARE you insult me in such a manner? I thought the scouts were sworn to protect and serve, not mock their people!
Scout #1: Uh... sorry, sir. Please continue to the courtroom.
Steve: Wait a minute, I'm in a court?
Scout #1: Um... yessir.
Steve: I changed my mind. That is my picture.
Scout #1: Nah, now that you mention it, there's no way that this guy could be you. Like, the differences are night and day.
Steve: Seriously?
Scout #1: Yeah. I mean, they say that the camera adds eleven points, not eleventy.
[Beat. Steve gets very deadpan and looks like he's about to be offended.]
Steve: You know, I don't have to take this.
[Steve walks off]
Steve: [Under his breath] Huh, so my workout regimen is actually paying off. Good to know.
[Cut to Max looking angrily up at the witness's stand.]
Max: And where were you on the night of August 13th!?
[The camera reverse shots to see that no one is actually in the witness's seat.]
Judge: Do we got it all outta our systems?
Sally: OBJECTION!
[The camera pans over to her.]
Sally: Okay, yeah.
Judge: Great, let's get started. The green team may make their opening statement.
Sally: Thanks, your honor.
[Gumdrops puts a hoof to Sally's mouth and then walks up to the front, and starts to make a very impassioned speech entirely with horse noises. Cut to the jury, looking very confused.]
Ryker: You know, I have better things to do than spending time in this kangaroo court.
Sally: Um, for your information, Gumdrops is a PONY.
Judge: And my kangaroo is on a business trip.
Ryker: What business would a kangaroo have?
Judge: Monkey business.
[Ryker faceplams]
Max: And where were you on the night of August 13th!?
[The camera reverse shots to see that no one is actually in the witness's seat.]
Judge: Do we got it all outta our systems?
Sally: OBJECTION!
[The camera pans over to her.]
Sally: Okay, yeah.
Judge: Great, let's get started. The green team may make their opening statement.
Sally: Thanks, your honor.
[Gumdrops puts a hoof to Sally's mouth and then walks up to the front, and starts to make a very impassioned speech entirely with horse noises. Cut to the jury, looking very confused.]
Ryker: You know, I have better things to do than spending time in this kangaroo court.
Sally: Um, for your information, Gumdrops is a PONY.
Judge: And my kangaroo is on a business trip.
Ryker: What business would a kangaroo have?
Judge: Monkey business.
[Ryker faceplams]
[Cut to sometime later in the court house.]
Max: And that's why I should be the proud owner of the Super Red Raging Rocket.
Judge: Alright, Ms. Sally, you can call your first witness.
Sally: Can I call myself.
Judge: Can I call my twin sister?
Max: You're seriously doing this again? You already tried this. You don't have a twin sister!
Sally: Well, you WOULD think that. You were too busy looking for jury kids to see her being born yesterday.
[There's a beat on Max's very deadpan expression.]
Max: Your... twin sister was born yesterday?
[Cut to in the jury, Anna is giggling.]
Sally: Uh-huh.
[There's a beat, as Sally is the only one who can't seem to figure ito ut.]
Judge: Uh--
Max: No, she can figure it out.
Sally: I seriously don't get what's wrong.
Max: Eventually. She can figure it out eventually.
Judge: Whatever. You gotsta pick another witness.
[Sally folds her arms.]
Sally: Alright, I'll pick another witness.]
Max: And that's why I should be the proud owner of the Super Red Raging Rocket.
Judge: Alright, Ms. Sally, you can call your first witness.
Sally: Can I call myself.
Judge: Can I call my twin sister?
Max: You're seriously doing this again? You already tried this. You don't have a twin sister!
Sally: Well, you WOULD think that. You were too busy looking for jury kids to see her being born yesterday.
[There's a beat on Max's very deadpan expression.]
Max: Your... twin sister was born yesterday?
[Cut to in the jury, Anna is giggling.]
Sally: Uh-huh.
[There's a beat, as Sally is the only one who can't seem to figure ito ut.]
Judge: Uh--
Max: No, she can figure it out.
Sally: I seriously don't get what's wrong.
Max: Eventually. She can figure it out eventually.
Judge: Whatever. You gotsta pick another witness.
[Sally folds her arms.]
Sally: Alright, I'll pick another witness.]
[Cut to Sally standing in front of the witness stand.]
Sally: And so, after all of that, do you understand why I deserve the toy?
[Reverse shot to show Max in the witness stand.]
Max: No.
Sally: Well... don't you think I deserve the toy even a little bit?
Max: No.
Sally: Why do you gotta be so mean?
Max: If you're so smart, you tell me.
[Sally blows a raspberry]
[Cut to a completely different bailiff]
Bailiff: Ms. Sally, please watch your tongue in the courtroom.
[The judge looks to the bailiff]
Judge: Hey, you're back. What happened to that other girl?
[Cut to outside the courthouse, where the Deadpan Girl has taken Harper's place.]
Deadpan Girl: And the case of Dunn vs. Dunn is getting ever more intense.
Background Kid: Hey, where's Harper?
Deadpan Girl: On vacation.
Sally: And so, after all of that, do you understand why I deserve the toy?
[Reverse shot to show Max in the witness stand.]
Max: No.
Sally: Well... don't you think I deserve the toy even a little bit?
Max: No.
Sally: Why do you gotta be so mean?
Max: If you're so smart, you tell me.
[Sally blows a raspberry]
[Cut to a completely different bailiff]
Bailiff: Ms. Sally, please watch your tongue in the courtroom.
[The judge looks to the bailiff]
Judge: Hey, you're back. What happened to that other girl?
[Cut to outside the courthouse, where the Deadpan Girl has taken Harper's place.]
Deadpan Girl: And the case of Dunn vs. Dunn is getting ever more intense.
Background Kid: Hey, where's Harper?
Deadpan Girl: On vacation.
[Cut to Ryker sitting in the witness' chair.]
Sally: Do you think that I deserve the toy?
Ryker: For the twentieth time, no!
Sally: I can keep asking you all day.
Ryker: And I can keep saying "no" all day.
[Sally leans forward over the witness's table.]
Sally: I'd like to see you try, Mr. Ryker.
Ryker: What makes you think, in this reality or any other that I'd ever say "yes"?
[Sally gets excited and points at Ryker, while facing the jury's stand.]
Sally: He said "yes"! You heard it!
Ryker: I didn't--
Judge: I heard you, you said "yes."
Ryker: But it doesn't mean that I think Sally deserves the toy.
Sally: Well, remember "anything you say can and will be used against you?"
Ryker: What are you talking about!?
[Cut to April and Molly in the jury's stand.]
Molly:She is crashin' and burnin'
[April rolls her eye.s]
April: Sally!
[Sally turns towards April]
Sally: Hey April! What's going on?
April: Call me up.
Sally: Why?
[April angrily bites her lip, almost smiling out of disbelief.]
April: Because I can help you.
Sally: Alright.
[Sally takes out her cell phone and starts pressing buttons. April's phone starts ringing, and the rest of the jury's eyes are on her. April uncomfortably laughs and then puts the phone to her ear.]
Sally: Hey April, what's going on?
April: Sally, just what are you doing?
Sally: Uh duh... calling you up like you asked.
[Cut to the judge giving a very unamused expression]
Sally: I don't think that the judge is very happy though.
[Sally looks at the judge.]
Sally: No, he looks really angry. Wow, it's been awhile since I got a kid this angry.
Ryker: Trust me from experience, no it's not.
April: [In a small, but annoyed voice.] Call me to the stand.
Sally: Do you think that I deserve the toy?
Ryker: For the twentieth time, no!
Sally: I can keep asking you all day.
Ryker: And I can keep saying "no" all day.
[Sally leans forward over the witness's table.]
Sally: I'd like to see you try, Mr. Ryker.
Ryker: What makes you think, in this reality or any other that I'd ever say "yes"?
[Sally gets excited and points at Ryker, while facing the jury's stand.]
Sally: He said "yes"! You heard it!
Ryker: I didn't--
Judge: I heard you, you said "yes."
Ryker: But it doesn't mean that I think Sally deserves the toy.
Sally: Well, remember "anything you say can and will be used against you?"
Ryker: What are you talking about!?
[Cut to April and Molly in the jury's stand.]
Molly:She is crashin' and burnin'
[April rolls her eye.s]
April: Sally!
[Sally turns towards April]
Sally: Hey April! What's going on?
April: Call me up.
Sally: Why?
[April angrily bites her lip, almost smiling out of disbelief.]
April: Because I can help you.
Sally: Alright.
[Sally takes out her cell phone and starts pressing buttons. April's phone starts ringing, and the rest of the jury's eyes are on her. April uncomfortably laughs and then puts the phone to her ear.]
Sally: Hey April, what's going on?
April: Sally, just what are you doing?
Sally: Uh duh... calling you up like you asked.
[Cut to the judge giving a very unamused expression]
Sally: I don't think that the judge is very happy though.
[Sally looks at the judge.]
Sally: No, he looks really angry. Wow, it's been awhile since I got a kid this angry.
Ryker: Trust me from experience, no it's not.
April: [In a small, but annoyed voice.] Call me to the stand.
[Cut to April at the witness stand. Sally marches back and forth, as intimidatingly as possible.]
Sally: So, how long have you known Ms. Sally Dunn?
April: I have known her for some time.
Sally: Would you say that you're really good friends with her?
April: Of course. She's my best friend in the entire world, and I should know, I have been all over it.
Sally: And don't you think that might bias your judgement?
[Cut to Gumdrops back at Sally's table, cringing noticeably while Max is trying to contain his laughter.]
April: Um... what?
Sally: I mean, if you like one kid more than the other, do you really think that you could judge fairly?
April: Sally, what are you doing?
Sally: It was YOU with the lead pipe in the living room, wasn't it?
[April doesn't say anything, she just clasps her head in her hands.]
April: Sally, do you want that toy or not?
[Sally blinks. She's silent for a beat.]
Sally: O-oh! I get it now
April: Thank goodness, because--
Sally: Twins have to be born on the same day. If I had a sister born yesterday, she wouldn't be my twin.
[Max can no longer contain his laughter.]
Max: Do you really want that kid to have one of the rarest cereal box toys in the entire world?
Sally: Well, you're not gonna get it.
April: I... uh...
[Sally turns in shock.]
Sally: Wait a minute--
April: As much as I like you Sally, I do want that toy in the betterer hands.
Sally: What are you saying!?
April: You... might not take good enough care of the toy.
[There's a hugely dramatic gasp in the audience.]
Sally: I take good care of my toys!
[Sally thinks for a beat.]
Sally: Wait, that's it! I wanna call my next witness!
Sally: So, how long have you known Ms. Sally Dunn?
April: I have known her for some time.
Sally: Would you say that you're really good friends with her?
April: Of course. She's my best friend in the entire world, and I should know, I have been all over it.
Sally: And don't you think that might bias your judgement?
[Cut to Gumdrops back at Sally's table, cringing noticeably while Max is trying to contain his laughter.]
April: Um... what?
Sally: I mean, if you like one kid more than the other, do you really think that you could judge fairly?
April: Sally, what are you doing?
Sally: It was YOU with the lead pipe in the living room, wasn't it?
[April doesn't say anything, she just clasps her head in her hands.]
April: Sally, do you want that toy or not?
[Sally blinks. She's silent for a beat.]
Sally: O-oh! I get it now
April: Thank goodness, because--
Sally: Twins have to be born on the same day. If I had a sister born yesterday, she wouldn't be my twin.
[Max can no longer contain his laughter.]
Max: Do you really want that kid to have one of the rarest cereal box toys in the entire world?
Sally: Well, you're not gonna get it.
April: I... uh...
[Sally turns in shock.]
Sally: Wait a minute--
April: As much as I like you Sally, I do want that toy in the betterer hands.
Sally: What are you saying!?
April: You... might not take good enough care of the toy.
[There's a hugely dramatic gasp in the audience.]
Sally: I take good care of my toys!
[Sally thinks for a beat.]
Sally: Wait, that's it! I wanna call my next witness!
[Cut to Charmichael sitting on the witness stand. Sally walks back and forth.]
Sally: See, I've kept you safe for years and years, and I feed you your favorite chocolate pudding every single day.
[Sally looks to the jury.]
Sally: You see, I'm not just the best toy owner, but the bestest toy owner.
[Sally sticks her tongue out at Max.]
Bailiff: You were told to watch your tongue.
Sally: Sorry, force of habit.
Judge: Alright Max, your turn to ask Charmichael questions.
[Sally and Gumdrops exchange nervous glances.]
[Cut to Max walking back and forth as dramatically as possible.]
Max: So, Mr. Charmichael, if that is your real name, you say that Sally takes very good care of you, but that leads to a very good question. You seem to be missing one of your button eyes.
[Sally is sweating]
Max: If Sally takes such good care of you, what happened to it?
[Max looks over to Sally, with a confident smile.]
Robotic Voice: Ob-jec-tion.
[The camera cuts to Gumdrops, who is typing on a speak-and-spell computer toy.
Judge: On what ground?
[Gumdrops types on the speak-and-spell program.]
Robotic Voice: On the ground of the Am-er-i-can-dy Pe-ope.
[Cut to Gumdrops once again "giving a speech" in a determined way. Slowly, the audience transitions from bored to extremely moved.]
Sally: See, I've kept you safe for years and years, and I feed you your favorite chocolate pudding every single day.
[Sally looks to the jury.]
Sally: You see, I'm not just the best toy owner, but the bestest toy owner.
[Sally sticks her tongue out at Max.]
Bailiff: You were told to watch your tongue.
Sally: Sorry, force of habit.
Judge: Alright Max, your turn to ask Charmichael questions.
[Sally and Gumdrops exchange nervous glances.]
[Cut to Max walking back and forth as dramatically as possible.]
Max: So, Mr. Charmichael, if that is your real name, you say that Sally takes very good care of you, but that leads to a very good question. You seem to be missing one of your button eyes.
[Sally is sweating]
Max: If Sally takes such good care of you, what happened to it?
[Max looks over to Sally, with a confident smile.]
Robotic Voice: Ob-jec-tion.
[The camera cuts to Gumdrops, who is typing on a speak-and-spell computer toy.
Judge: On what ground?
[Gumdrops types on the speak-and-spell program.]
Robotic Voice: On the ground of the Am-er-i-can-dy Pe-ope.
[Cut to Gumdrops once again "giving a speech" in a determined way. Slowly, the audience transitions from bored to extremely moved.]
Judge: And now the jury will figure out who gets the Super Red Raging Rocket toy.
[The jury leaves the room, leaving Sally alone with Gumdrops and Charmichael. Sally looks to Charmichael, with its missing eye. Sally rubs it sympathetically.]
Sally: We lost that long ago, huh?
[Sally hugs Charmichael tightly, with a look of sadness. Some stuffing comes out of its leg.]
Sally: Oh no, not again.
[Sally looks over to Gumdrops, with realization]
Sally: I really don't deserve that toy, do I?
[Gumdrops shrugs]
Sally: But it's the rarest, most super cool cereal box toy ever!
[Then Sally looks down]
Sally: And Max will take better care of it than me.
[Sally looks down to her phone and start dialing a number]
[The jury leaves the room, leaving Sally alone with Gumdrops and Charmichael. Sally looks to Charmichael, with its missing eye. Sally rubs it sympathetically.]
Sally: We lost that long ago, huh?
[Sally hugs Charmichael tightly, with a look of sadness. Some stuffing comes out of its leg.]
Sally: Oh no, not again.
[Sally looks over to Gumdrops, with realization]
Sally: I really don't deserve that toy, do I?
[Gumdrops shrugs]
Sally: But it's the rarest, most super cool cereal box toy ever!
[Then Sally looks down]
Sally: And Max will take better care of it than me.
[Sally looks down to her phone and start dialing a number]
[Cut to the jury deliberation room. It's a mess. The kids inside are throwing all kinds of goop and paint and food at each other.]
Sir Harold: I shall defend m'lady's right to have that toy until my last breath!
[He throws a pie and it hits Molly.]
Molly: Hey, I'm on Sally's side!
[Ryker pours green slime over Molly]
Ryker: Well, maybe I should convince you otherwise.
[Lelslie skips over to the door and knocks on it. Scout #1 looks inside.]
Scout #1: Yeah?
Leslie: We're gonna need more coconut cream pies.
Scout #1: Coming up.
[April's phone rings. She answers it.]
April: Sally, you're not supposed to call us while we're in the jury room!
[April looks over to her side and sprays Shelly with a squirt gun.]
Shelly: Sally doesn't deserve that toy and you know it!
[Cut to Sally, surprised]
Sally: You... were still gonna let me have the toy?
April: Of course dear, you're my friend.
Sally: But it's the rarest toy ever.
[Cut to April.]
April: Yes, and... wait, what do you mean "were"?
[Beat. April gets clonked in the head with mud.]
April: Yes, I see.
[April hangs up the phone.]
April: Everyone, Sally has consided defeat.
Anna: What? But we still got like an hour left.
[Steve is leaning against the corner of the room, when suddenly he's hit with a realization.]
Steve: Wait a minute, I'm in a jury duty!
[Niall clicks a stopwatch.]
Niall: Huh, record time.
Sir Harold: I shall defend m'lady's right to have that toy until my last breath!
[He throws a pie and it hits Molly.]
Molly: Hey, I'm on Sally's side!
[Ryker pours green slime over Molly]
Ryker: Well, maybe I should convince you otherwise.
[Lelslie skips over to the door and knocks on it. Scout #1 looks inside.]
Scout #1: Yeah?
Leslie: We're gonna need more coconut cream pies.
Scout #1: Coming up.
[April's phone rings. She answers it.]
April: Sally, you're not supposed to call us while we're in the jury room!
[April looks over to her side and sprays Shelly with a squirt gun.]
Shelly: Sally doesn't deserve that toy and you know it!
[Cut to Sally, surprised]
Sally: You... were still gonna let me have the toy?
April: Of course dear, you're my friend.
Sally: But it's the rarest toy ever.
[Cut to April.]
April: Yes, and... wait, what do you mean "were"?
[Beat. April gets clonked in the head with mud.]
April: Yes, I see.
[April hangs up the phone.]
April: Everyone, Sally has consided defeat.
Anna: What? But we still got like an hour left.
[Steve is leaning against the corner of the room, when suddenly he's hit with a realization.]
Steve: Wait a minute, I'm in a jury duty!
[Niall clicks a stopwatch.]
Niall: Huh, record time.
[Cut to the main courtroom. The jury enters the room, all covered with paint and other muck.]
Judge: Does the jury have a verdict?
April: Yes, your honor. We've decided that Max should have the toy.
Max: Yes! In your face!
[April clears her throat]
April: Actually, we should say that SALLY decided that Max should have the toy.
Max: Wait, what?
Sally: You'll take better care of it than I could.
Max: Sally, I don't know what to say, but... thanks. And sorry for... saying those things.
Sally: I'm sorry too. We made... a pretty big deal out of this, didn't we?
Max: You could say that, yes. I promise to take good care of that Super Red Raging Rocket. So... where is it?
[There's a beat as everyone looks frightened.]
Judge: Bailiff, where's the toy?
Bailiff: I thought you had it.
[The judge and the bailiff look to each other nervously.]
Judge: Does the jury have a verdict?
April: Yes, your honor. We've decided that Max should have the toy.
Max: Yes! In your face!
[April clears her throat]
April: Actually, we should say that SALLY decided that Max should have the toy.
Max: Wait, what?
Sally: You'll take better care of it than I could.
Max: Sally, I don't know what to say, but... thanks. And sorry for... saying those things.
Sally: I'm sorry too. We made... a pretty big deal out of this, didn't we?
Max: You could say that, yes. I promise to take good care of that Super Red Raging Rocket. So... where is it?
[There's a beat as everyone looks frightened.]
Judge: Bailiff, where's the toy?
Bailiff: I thought you had it.
[The judge and the bailiff look to each other nervously.]
[Cut to lemonade glasses clinking against each other on a beach in some far away country. The rocket is in the sand between two people sitting on beach chairs. The camera reverses to see Deadpan Girl and Harper sitting there, both with a smile.]
Harper: Ah, sitting on a beach with a tall glass of lemonade in the Cribbabean.
Deadpan Girl: With the rarest cereal toy in existence.
Harper: It's gonna look great in my toy box.
Deadpan Girl: Wait, it's going in my toy box. I'm the one who came up with the idea.
Harper: Well, I'm the one who took it out of the country.
[The two of them look at each other angrily, and iris out on the rocket toy.]
Harper: Ah, sitting on a beach with a tall glass of lemonade in the Cribbabean.
Deadpan Girl: With the rarest cereal toy in existence.
Harper: It's gonna look great in my toy box.
Deadpan Girl: Wait, it's going in my toy box. I'm the one who came up with the idea.
Harper: Well, I'm the one who took it out of the country.
[The two of them look at each other angrily, and iris out on the rocket toy.]
